


The Price of Forgetting

by Tricochet



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Memory Loss, Response to 4x08, memory recovery, mind wipe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 22:24:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18352928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tricochet/pseuds/Tricochet
Summary: As Gary tries to remember who he is, he meets someone he must have known before.John Constantine doesn't know if it's better for Gary to know or be in the dark.





	The Price of Forgetting

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't been particularly active since Legends was on hiatus, but I'm back!

John looks around before he lights his cigarette. Sara and Gideon have given up telling him not to smoke, but Ray periodically sprays him with a fire extinguisher.

John hears a cough.

“Gary. Fancy seeing you here,” John says, feeling like an asshole. Gary doesn’t seem to be upset with John any more. He extends his hand, like he wants John to shake it.

“Hi! I’m Gary, and nobody will tell me why, but I only have one nipple.”

“I know who you are, squire,” John tells him. He expects Gary to frown, tell him not to use pet names.

“Oh. I don’t. Know who I am, that is. Director Sharpe told me to find some files on me so I can read up. Also, she wants me to steal one of her Bureau sweatshirts back from her ex. Have you seen any sweatshirts?”

“No. You’re supposed to read your file to find out who you are?”

“Yeah. I know who you are. I read your file, John Constantine. It says you have magical powers and stuff. That’s cool.”

“What else did it say about me?”

“Some stuff about Neron, how you brought Sara back, Mallus. It mentioned an Agent Green too.”

“That’s you,” John blurts out. Maybe it’d be better for Gary to forget.

“Oh. So you knew me? And I was an agent?”

“We met. And yes, you were.”

“Nice! It said we travelled through the realm of dragons together. Is that true?”

“Yeah. You were the best agent in the Bureau.”

“Do you know how I lost my nipple? Director Sharpe won’t say.”

“You were being heroic. Helping my team catch a dangerous monster. You put yourself in the crosshairs.”

Gary looks pleased. “So I was a hero?”

“You could say that, squire. You were…” John tries to think of what to say. “You were badass.”

“How well did you know me?”

_I loved you._ John digs for the picture of them on the picnic, where Gary leans into John with a Beebo doll on his lap.

“We met tracking down a demon.” _When I got your name wrong, called you a genius, and kissed you_. “I helped you with some magic effects. We travelled together for a while. You dressed up as me once. Then you got bitten by a unicorn.” _Then I made sure no unicorn would see you as bait again._ “We took this a few days after.” _Before I broke your heart._

“Wow. We were close.”

_Very._

“You were a good man.” _Better than I deserved._

“Director Sharpe’s looking for ways to fix my memory. I don’t think she wants me back, though.”

“I’ll have a word with her, squire.”

 

 

 

John barges into Ava’s office.

“Do you know how to reverse the memory effect?”

She glares. “I’m working on it. We might be able to use the technology to fix it, but that has risks.”

“Risks?”

“It could cause brain damage.”

“Are there other ways?”

“Find something to jog his memory, I guess. I don’t know. I’m trying to sort out the whole Heywood Senior situation. He’ll be getting paid twice his salary until he can get back to work full-time.”

“You have other priorities than your most loyal employee, who got hurt in the line of duty while following your orders?”

“I should protect him and care for him? Like you did?”

John scowls. “Not the same thing. I was - everything I did, I did because I cared about him. Wanted to save him from the evil balance. You just can’t be bothered.”

Ava glares. If he was just getting reprimanded for drinking on duty, he wouldn’t be fighting her this hard. He meets her gaze and doesn’t look down.

Ava breaks eye contact at last and shuffles a pile of her papers. “Let me find the research in here.”

John waits while she flips through a stack. She pulls a folder and hands it to him.

“This is everything we know.”

“Thank you,” John says. He wonders for the first time if bringing Gary’s memories back is the right thing to do. Gary could forget all about the Bureau and the unicorn and John-

John takes the file and leaves. He’s too selfish to let Gary go forever.

 

 

 

Thankfully, Gary still knows how to read. He and John sift through the documents.

John sighs and tosses a spell ingredient across the room.

“The recall charm didn’t work?”

“No,” Gary says miserably. “Still don’t know my middle name.”

John pushes the failed instructions away and moves on to the next paper.

“This says a familiar sensation that caused an extreme emotional reaction could trigger recall.”

“Like losing my nipple?” Gary starts to pull at his shirt. “Would I get my memories back if the other one gets-”

“I don’t think that’s what you want to do,” John says. He sets a hand on Gary’s arm to stop him from taking off his shirt.

“What else happened to me? What did I like? Was there anything I hated?”

_Me._ “You were a fan of Beebo. The blue doll. You played role-playing games. You hated unicorns.”

“When was I the happiest?”

_When I kissed you that time on the picnic._ “When I got a Beebo for you.”

“Hmm. I’m wondering… Did we ever… you know?” Gary says, making eye contact and gesturing.

_Yes, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since._ “We did.”

Gary takes a step forward. John stands his ground and takes Gary’s hand.

Gary moves in to kiss him. It takes a second after contact for Gary to fall back with a gasp. John grabs him before he hits the ground and moves him to the couch.

“Gary. Gary, are you alright? Do you hear me?”

Gary cries out, clutching at his head. He’s shaking. John sits next to him.

Gary’s blinking rapidly. He twitches.

It takes a few minutes for him to calm down. He looks up at John.

“I remember everything. Wow… It’s a lot to go through an entire life in five minutes. I could have done with forgetting everything from high school, though.”

“I’m sorry,” John says. “About the unicorn, and dumping you. All of it.”

“I forgive you.” Gary sits up on the couch. “It’s just. I’ve went after demons with you. I can remember it so well. Every detail. I remember, um, a lot more.” He blushes. “I remember that Beebo you gave me, and the unicorn.”

_I remember how happy you were before I broke your heart_. “I should leave.”

“Don’t. I know, the balance of good and evil and such, and you don’t want me to die. Just stay? Until I go back to work?”

John can’t seem to force himself away. “Alright, squire. I’ll stay.”

**Author's Note:**

> This made me so sad to write. Hopefully, I'll have a fun, lighthearted meet-cute up in the next week. 
> 
> What I want from canon is for them to address Gary's amnesia. As a character, he's only been used as a joke, and I think Adam has the acting skills to make Gary a serious character. What I would love to see is him get his memories back and then turn into a super-genius. I doubt it'll happen, but it's fun to think about. I might write that too, depending on how much time I have. I want Gary's memory to be involved in the plot rather than just brushed over.


End file.
